I like to keep a nonfiction book in my purse so that I can pull it out if I find myself with a few minutes – waiting in line at the post office or the grocery store, or in a parking lot for carpool duties.  I don’t often get to read more than a few pages at time this way, but have found that this pace has enriched my enjoyment of several books.  This is the case with my current “carry”, “Switch: How to Change Things when Change is Hard”.  The authors, Chip and Dan Heath have drawn from research and have included real-life examples which serve as great food for contemplative thought as I put the book down and drive to my next destination.

Chapter 3 “Script the Critical Moves” highlights how we (humans) shut down when faced with too many choices.  The first study on how doctors make decisions was particularly eye-opening and a bit scary.  In the absence of specific rules or guidelines regarding patient care, the doctors actually experienced decision paralysis when presented with multiple options.

As we go about our lives, how often do we unwittingly overwhelm people with a vision, a request or a command because it seems intuitive and expect them to know how to take the next step?  Two years ago, I told my son to “get a job”.  He didn’t.  I told him again – still no results.  Then I asked him where he wanted to work and I realized that he didn’t know.  After our discussion, I gave him a list of three places to apply and asked him to walk into each one and ask for an application.  He did that the next day and became gainfully employed within the week.  I had initially left him with too many options and he didn’t see the path.

I also see a direct correlation of the Heath’s language “script the critical moves” to my work.  I find the best results when working with my clients – in career transition or in leadership development – is always when they see both the vision of what is possible and also have specific  “homework” to perform. When they have their assignments, they don’t need to clutter their thinking with multiple options and their productivity increases as they direct their thoughts toward simple actions that will help them reach their goals.

Our work and home lives are filled with many circumstances where we expect results and have not communicated the guidelines necessary to drive behaviors that will achieve those results.

The chapter made some great distinctions that I will ponder, and overall was a good reminder that in a decision-making environment,  well-thought-out guidelines will help lead the way.

Last week, one of my clients told me that she wanted to “make a difference” in the world.  As this is not the first time I have heard that from a client – or a friend, I was prepared for the answer when I asked, “What do you intend to do to make a difference?”  Like so many others before her, my client didn’t know what to say as somewhere in the back of her mind, she felt she was meant to do something “really special” or “something big”.

The internet has enabled everyone to be a part of the media and we now have access to stories around the world.  We read of the heroics of others – saving children, fighting poverty, or fundraising for a cause and it becomes natural to think that our “difference” has to be something that will measure up – that we have to do it all in order to serve.

This reminds me of the story of the little boy and a starfish.  The boy and his father are walking on a beach when they come across a section with dozens of starfish washed ashore.  The boy frantically tries to save one by throwing it out to sea – but the waves keep bringing it back.  As he asks his dad for help, his father tells him that there are so many starfish, throwing this one back won’t make a difference.  To which the boy replies, “It makes a difference to the starfish”.

What a great reminder of how often we miss opportunities because we don’t recognize the impact even the very small things can have.  A smile or a kind word can make someone’s day.  A composed reaction in the face of a crisis can calm a child.  Stopping to help a parent with several children carry their bags on the plane can relieve their stress and help keep order for others.  Take a moment to think about all of the little things that make a difference to someone.

I could stop writing here, but it has been pointed out to me by some of my friends and clients that they were not talking about moments, but were speaking to the direction of their lives (sometimes we talk about finding purpose and giving back – all part of this discussion).  I counter that this is where it all begins.  New awareness; new habits; new results.  Recognizing opportunities to make a difference in the moment develops leadership agility from the inside.  Agile leaders can go on to increase their impact by engaging others… and so on.

Practice leading your life where the moments count. Notice the difference you can make and see how far it takes you.

I had given an assignment to my working women’s group to reflect on motherhood for our Mother’s Day session.  In addition to contemplating what legacies our mother’s left us, I asked everyone to think about what they would like their children to remember most about them.  Specifically, how would we finish the phrases “my mother always said…”  or “my mother always did…”?

As we talked yesterday, we shared some great memories about our mothers and the lessons we learned.  What was interesting to notice is that our conversations weren’t so much “my mother always said…”, but were about what “I saw my mother DO…”  As we reflected on the impact our mother’s made on us, it was far more about what we witnessed, than what we heard.

This is a great reminder to all of us, in any situation.  At work, in the public forum and with friends and family, our words convey only a small piece of the story.  It is what we DO, in the end, that matters.  If we choose to leave a lasting impression on anyone – our children, our boss, our co-workers, a client, a potential employer in an interview, we must always think about our words in combination with our actions.  How we present ourselves will be remembered more than the words we say.   Aligning our actions with our intentions, the product of self-awareness, isn’t always as easy as it seems.  However, something as simple as taking a few minutes each day to reflect on your intentions can be the difference between aiming for a goal and achieving it.  Take the time to develop a practice that will work for you.